What Is Your Destiny For Me?
As a mother I find it hard to find time for anything or anyone, even more difficult to find time for myself. Working full time, having two small children, one on the way and being involved with church, and owning our own business. To say that life is busy would be an understatement! I find myself asking God if I will ever really have time for Him and if I will ever walk in my calling.
I have fallen into depression, loneliness, sadness, uncertainty, fear and so many other things, wondering if I will ever truly walk in the destiny that God has for me. So many times I feel like I am on the back-burner, not noticed and forgotten by people for the things I do. I ask Him if it will ever be my turn, will it ever be my turn to run after Him like I truly want to? Because I feel like that day will never come. I feel like I will be in the place of just being pulled at in a million directions and never having time for relationships and God. I find myself not even having time for my children and it brings me to tears! I pick them up from daycare, bring them home, get them snacks, start working on dinner while making sure they don't get into to much trouble, actually sit down for about 5 min, maybe, to eat dinner, clean everything up and then get them ready for bed.
What is God trying to teach me? I obviously haven't learned it yet because for the past 5 years I have been experiencing this. Is this what motherhood is about? Just going from day to day and hardly having time for your family? I would love to have time to teach my kids, to worship with them, to play games, but I feel like if I do that I will get even more behind in life then I already am.
I don't want to come off as complaining, I am just sharing my heart on things that have been racing around in my mind. And my main question is, What is God's destiny for my life? Because I know God has a plan for me but I don't think He wants me in a place of just trying to survive each day, because what kind of life is that?!